Thursday, June 30, 2016

Sobering Thoughts Newsletters

OLD PRINTED NEWSLETTERS AVAILABLE

We are making some room in the office and have quite a few boxes of old printed Sobering Thoughts Newsletters that we would love to share with you. So for the next few weeks you can get 3 pounds worth (approximately 25-30 assorted newsletters) sent to you (U.S. only please, due to cost of postage) for a $10 donationPlease feel free to make as many $10 donations as you wish and we will send a package worth for each donation! (FYI: The shipping label will only have our initials "WFS" -it won't be spelled out.) 
Sincerely, Becky Fenner - WFS Director
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© WFS Inc. * Women for Sobriety, Inc., PO Box 618, Quakertown PA 18951
Email: contact@womenforsobriety.org  *  Ph: 215-536-8026  *  Fax: 215-538-9026

DONATE NOW ~ Your Donations Help Support WFS’s Services ~ Thank you!


Monday, June 27, 2016

Celebration of Multiple Pathways & Styles of Addiction Recovery

"And yet if one listens carefully to the diversity of recovery stories rising from this movement, there is a striking and shared central thread that forms the connecting tissue across secular, spiritual, and religious frameworks of recovery; across recovery in diverse populations and cultural contexts; and across the mediums of natural recovery, recovery mutual aid, and professionally-assisted recovery initiation. That central thread is a sustained, irrevocable commitment for personal change."

The above quote is from Bill White's blog post on June 24th, in which he mentions the alternative recovery programs like Women for Sobriety, Inc.  This is a well-written and diverse article that we wish to pass along: 

http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/blog/2016/06/nature-will-find-a-way-so-will-recovery.html

Monday's Message ~ Statement #6


Invest in Yourself 

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“Although we only get a one way ticket through life, we speed over the miles as if we will make the trip many times, as if planning to enjoy it on a later trip.  We live as if there are an endless amount of tomorrows.”  -Jean Kirkpatrick, PH.D., WFS Program Booklet

“You get there by realizing you are already there.”  -Eckhart Tolle

“Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.”  -Mark Twain

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Statement #6, “Life can be ordinary or it can be great.”  Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
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+ Karen’s Perspective +
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        Each month our face to face group discusses the Statement that correlates with that month.  Naturally this month we read Statement #6 together and what followed was a wonderful discussion.  Listening to each of the women share how they view, interpret and use this Statement is eye opening and thought provoking.  Additionally, the WFS Online Forum is another excellent way to connect and gain insight into the Statements.  In fact, one of the categories in the Forum is “WFS Acceptance Statements” where you will find ongoing discussions and how women have applied them in daily life.
        Alcohol once had us but today we have different tools to manage and live our lives.  Choosing to make our lives great is one of those tools and happily that greatness is completely individual.  What is great for one may not be for another but we get to make that decision.  So many times in the past we made decisions and looked after others while completely ignoring our own needs.  Not anymore.
        For some women, this Statement is simply a reminder to invest in themselves.  For others, it can mean taking time to just smile and be present.  No matter how you choose to apply Statement #6, Jean affirms…..“Life can be ordinary but you can make it great.”  Hugzzz, Karen
·         How will you practice Statement #6 this week?

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+  Member Insights  +
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        As I read Karen’s message above, I reflected on my annual vacation trip last year.  I was deeply concerned about leaving my daughter as she had only been home from the hospital for a month.  It was an extremely difficult decision yet everyone kept encouraging me to go, to relax, have fun.  It turned out to be a wonderful trip with lots of cherished memories created with my friends and family.  It was just what I needed.  I realized that it was up to me to create greatness in my life, to be in the moment.  The day I left to come back home, I found out that my granddaughter’s papa passed away and they held the funeral the next day.  I was heartbroken as we had a special bond regarding our granddaughter and I didn’t get to say goodbye.  I reflected on my relationship with him and realized that what mattered were the moments we shared about our granddaughter, the frustrations we both understood and the love we both felt for her.
        A year has passed, filled with multiple emotional and physical challenges.  I left for vacation with less concerns and yet this year’s vacation has been mixed with joy, fun, disappointment and frustration.  This is where practicing Statement 6 helped me tremendously to remember the “moments.”  It surprised me after all these years yet that is life.  It is constant change and the WFS Statements have taught me to focus on accepting change, embracing change and mostly, to learn from change.  I am so grateful for the WFS Statements, for the encouragement and wisdom of friends and to know that it is up to me to find and create greatness with a “conscious” effort.  I used to think it had to be a grand event.  What I have discovered, as Jean said many times, greatness, happiness, joy - all come in moments.  We just have to be aware of them and cherish them.
        I encourage each of you to be aware, to be in the moment and embrace every joyous feeling of love, excitement, fun, celebration - the list is long.  Think about the last great moment you experienced?  What was so great about it?  Who was part of it?  Was it the people you were with, a sight that awed you, a special celebration or just remembering a special time in your life?  What lesson did you learn from that moment - about your strengths, resilience, capabilities, compassion?  I think back to when I was a little girl and was taking dance lessons and the excitement of the dance recitals.  I certainly can’t replicate that but the moment of joy is part of my history and can still make me smile.  Hope you will take some time to recall your “great” moments, big and small, from long ago or perhaps just yesterday!  ~WFS Member
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© WFS Inc. * Women for Sobriety, Inc., PO Box 618, Quakertown PA 18951
Email: contact@womenforsobriety.org  *  Ph: 215-536-8026 *  Fax: 215-538-9026
DONATE NOW ~ Your Donations Help Support WFS’s Services ~ Thank you!

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Reflections ~ INVOLVEMENT


{ { { { {
Involvement
 
     There are endings and there are beginnings.  Each of these is at one or the other end of an involvement, whether it be with a person or an event.
     Perhaps involvements are difficult because they have a beginning and an end – no matter what.
     Today I will practice not being upset by either the beginning or the ending of any involvement.

{ { { { {
      One wonderful aspect of moving from a city to a small community in a rural area is the opportunity to become involved in local organizations, committees, work groups, and so on.  I have joined a garden club, pick up trash along the highway, and work on committees and charity fundraising projects.  I have become very involved in my community.  (#11.  “Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.”)
      I have made phone calls when I saw illegal tree cutting, unlicensed children driving golf carts, suspicious vehicles driving around late at night, and so on.  When a neighbor started a gossiping campaign about the committee I was leading, I called everyone involved and defended myself.  (#12.  “I am a competent woman and have much to give life.”)
      On the other hand, I choose to not get involved at times.  Recently I was copied on emails from a friend regarding a community issue.  Several others weighed in with their opinions, but I stayed out of it entirely.  Possibly my non-involvement was perceived as a reproach, but I really did not give it much thought.  (#13.  “I am responsible for myself and for my actions.”  I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.)
      A neighbor we befriended apparently is reconciling his wife, after she has betrayed him many times.  I worry about him, but refrain from offering any advice.  Another neighbor, a very gifted but difficult woman, has been in an ugly dispute for years with her next door neighbor.  I have stayed neutral, and have socialized with both of them at different times, separately of course.  Lately I am beginning to feel that I want to let go of my involvement with at least one of these two women.  My peace of mind is too big a price for staying on friendly terms with a vexatious person.  (#8.  “The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.”)   Hugs, Zizzy
{ { { { {
      An event I am currently going through is a move my husband and I made to another state a little over a year ago.  Being lifelong residents of Illinois, we decided to retire to a favorite yearly vacation spot of ours in Wisconsin.  This was to be a permanent move.  I had been looking forward to the change in scenery and lifestyle that I and my husband would be enjoying; entering this new phase of our lives.  Once we went through the trials and tribulations that come with selling a home and having the new home built, I was excited to be up there permanently before him, fixing things up and getting acclimated to our new surroundings and neighbors.  When he retired five months later and joined me; we started doing all the things we did when we vacationed there.  Great right?  Wrong...for us anyway.  In a day to day setting, being on a peninsula; the impact of living in this most permanent setting was not what we had envisioned.  We missed the amenities that our Chicago suburb had to offer; variety of stores, being in a rural area where stores are not open 24/7, enduring longer driving distances; (peninsula remember)?  I thought I had it all figured out.  I began beating myself up mentally, blaming myself for the move.  I thought my husband would think me nuts if I suggested, even hinted that I wanted to move back.  But I told him; and to my surprise, by Christmas, just three months after he joined me, he agreed with me!  He was missing the amenities also.  “Well, we tried it,” was his answer.  Wow!  So the house is now on the market and we are looking at returning to our old area; but this time in a townhouse or condo.
      What have I learned about ‘Involvement’?  Jean said it is a beginning and an end.  Beginning: So I can say I had a brand new home for once in my life.  I got “involved” with the YMCA up here and met some great people.  We both found out that perhaps we’re not quite ready to be THIS retired.  My husband and I began having more quality time together.  End?  We tried it.  Finished...no more wondering if we could have made a go of it.  And yet another new beginning.  True, we’re going back to the general area from whence we came, but we’re going back perhaps with a new appreciation for what we had.  And now we have the time to get “involved” with more new experiences in the future.  Who knows where our journeys will take us next.  Beginnings and endings; happy and sad at the same time.  Yet I am INVOLVED!  All of this possible because of my NEW LIFE... my new sober life.  Thank you, WFS!
Connie S.  “...remember the sun WILL rise tomorrow!”
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© WFS Inc. * Women for Sobriety, Inc., PO Box 618, Quakertown PA 18951
Email: contact@womenforsobriety.org  *  Ph: 215-536-8026 *  Fax: 215-538-9026
DONATE NOW ~ Your Donations Help Support WFS’s Services ~ Thank you!

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Profiles in Recovery

Profiles in Recovery

WFS member and certified chat leader, Julie Orlando, shared her recovery story:

http://www.drugrehab.org/profiles-in-recovery/julie-orlando/

Thank you, Lambie!  Your words are inspiring and encouraging for all those in recovery and for those seeking recovery.  And thank you to drugrehab.org for the invitation!

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Dear Abby

Very exciting news!  WFS, SMART, and SOS have been mentioned in Dear Abby Column on June 17, 2016:

   


DEAR ABBY: I know I have an issue with alcohol. I have read about local AA groups, but they don't seem right for me because I'm an atheist. When I went to my doctor, along with my supportive husband, she had no suggestions to offer. I know I need help beyond what friends and family can provide. Do you have any ideas for me? -- TAKING THE STEP IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TAKING THE STEP: I certainly do, because there are secular alternatives to AA.

SMART Recovery offers a four-point program aimed at motivation to abstain, coping with cravings, managing negative emotions and finding a life balance. It has face-to-face support groups worldwide, as well as daily online meetings. Like AA, lifetime abstinence is the goal, and meetings and help are free of charge. Unlike AA, lifetime abstinence need not require lifetime attendance at meetings. For more information, visit smartrecovery.org.

Another group, Women for Sobriety, may be of interest to you because it is non-theistic and aims to empower women and minorities. The website, womenforsobriety.org, does not list its meetings (for reasons of privacy), so in order to find a group, you will have to make contact within the site.

Last, Secular Organizations for Sobriety (aka Save Our Selves) is sometimes described as a 12-step program minus the religious overtones. To find a list of meetings, visit sossobriety.org.

Monday, June 20, 2016

Monday's Message ~ Statement #4


Building Confidence with Statement #4

҉

“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”  -Soren Kiekegaard
 
“A problem is a chance for you to do your best.”  -Duke Ellington
 
“Every great and deep difficulty bears in itself its own solution.  It forces us to change our thinking in order to find it.”  -Niels Bohr
 
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Statement #4, “Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.”
I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
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+ Karen’s Perspective +
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        This week as many women return home from Conference and conclude the WFS Forum Online Conference, we can be faced with mounting problems; some that have been ongoing and others that have newly presented themselves.  The common denominator is that within every problem therein lies a solution…. But sometimes it just doesn’t feel that way.
        Before our New Lives, it was alcohol/drug use that appeared to be the solution.  While this action may have temporarily removed the thought or feeling about a particular issue, it did not solve any problem.  In fact, in numerous cases, it amplified them.
        Statement #4 is simple in wording yet can be challenging to put into action, but action is key.  Even the smallest of actions is movement forward and by not turning to alcohol or drugs, we empower ourselves and build confidence.  Practicing this Statement, we learn about our strength, resolve and courage.  Over time as our feelings of competence grow, we find ourselves standing on a platform of stability, which, much like a pyramid remains strong and balanced.
        Faced with a problem, we have a choice today.  No longer do we permit a problem to overwhelm; instead we recognize that there IS a solution, take movement no matter how small and grow in ability and depth.  Hugzzz, Karen
 
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+  Member Insights  +
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        I always remind women that there is a huge difference between seeing everything as a problem and actually facing situations that require our attention and problem-solving skills.  One of the greatest tools is having WFS sisters to seek input, not advice or direction of what you “should” do but how they have perhaps solved a similar situation.  We learn from each other yet the decision is still ours because we know what we’re capable of and our relationship history with the person we are dealing with.
        I like using Statements 4 and 2 together because I find that negative thoughts can make a solvable problem feel hopeless.  I had a situation recently that hurt deeply and I kept playing over in my mind what I could have said, what I didn’t say and what I did say.  I addressed the person directly, respecting my boundaries, yet it didn’t feel finished.  That is when I realized that I was allowing negative thoughts to take over even after I said what needed to be said.  I was creating a problem with my negative thoughts and hurting only myself.  Thank goodness for the WFS statements that brought me back to letting go and not ruining my day.  Years ago, I would still be stewing over this situation for weeks!  What a waste of time and energy.
  • Can you recall a time when you permitted a non-problem to become a major one?
  • How about the first time you realized that what you thought was a problem was not worth worrying about?
  • What problem solving skills have you learned and used?
  • Who is part of your support system?
  • Have you created healthy boundaries and actually use them?
  • Who still pushes your buttons?  Do you know why?
~WFS Member
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© WFS Inc. * Women for Sobriety, Inc., PO Box 618, Quakertown PA 18951
Email: contact@womenforsobriety.org  *  Ph: 215-536-8026  *  Fax: 215-538-9026
DONATE NOW ~ Your Donations Help Support WFS’s Services ~ Thank you!

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Monday's Message ~ Statement #7 & #10


 

Embrace All Returned Love 

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“Love is a powerful force.”  -Jean Kirkpatrick, Ph.D., WFS Program Booklet


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Statement #7, “Love can change the course of my world.”  Caring becomes all important.
Statement #10, “All love given returns.”  I will learn to know that others love me.
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+ Karen’s Perspective +
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        The outpouring of love from this conference weekend continues to reverberate through the hearts of those who attended and all the way through to the farthest reaches in the Universe.
        It was as if an explosion of love burst wide open; sprinkling shimmering bubbles of positive energy everywhere.  Whispers of hope mingled with confidence while echoing laughter filled the campus.
        The workshops informed, the meals nourished, and auction supported our life-affirming organization.  Forty new faces, bringing their courage forward inspired the veterans and brought beautiful perspective to light.  Tears of joy (and sadness at parting) streamed down many, many cheeks.
        Thank You to the many volunteers who made this weekend come together.  It cannot be done without the love expressed, shared, and received from all.  Jean gave her love and it continues to shine on.....
        Bonded in love….  Hugzzz, Karen 

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+  Member Insights  +
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        For those who weren’t able to attend the conference, I hope you will start making plans to attend next year.  It was enriching, uplifting, inspirational, and the video of Jean speaking about WFS in 1989 left many of us crying throughout her presentation.  Just to hear her voice and laughter brought back many memories of what courage it took to create such a life-changing, life-saving program.  It made me miss her so much and, yet, so full of gratitude for her willingness to fight for us to have a program of empowerment, to rid ourselves of the shame and guilt of re-telling painful drinking stories that only serve to burden us with hopelessness.
        The past is gone forever; no longer will I be victimized by the past.  When we start to practice that, love can change the course of our world, caring becomes all important!  Remember to start with loving yourself and practicing self-care which is NOT selfish.  In her presentation, Jean asked women to list 50 positive qualities or characteristics about themselves.  She said that most women stop at 5 or 7.  Try doing it and see how many you can list.  If you can’t do it at once, keep trying until there are 50.  This is what I will call your “love” list.  While I do believe it is important to feel that others love you, it is most important that you love yourself because you will always be with you.  ~WFS Member

From Becky @ WFS Office: Just heard from Susie about what was in the eBag she won at auction: LUSH products, Fancy Flip Flops, old Sobering Thoughts Newsletters, and TWO Certificates for a Double Room (including Thursday) for 2017 WFS Conference.
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© WFS Inc. * Women for Sobriety, Inc., PO Box 618, Quakertown PA 18951
Email: contact@womenforsobriety.org  *  Ph: 215-536-8026  *  Fax: 215-538-9026

DONATE NOW ~ Your Donations Help Support WFS’s Services ~ Thank you!

Monday, June 6, 2016

Monday's Message ~ Statement #11 Conference Time!


Conference Time! 

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“Enthusiasm is as infectious as a new viral strain.  Let one woman in a room have it and everyone gets it.  It spreads freely, never caring who gets it or what the results might be.”
-Jean Kirkpatrick, WFS Program Booklet

“Enthusiasm is the energy and force that builds literal momentum of the human soul and mind.”
-Bryant H. McGill

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Statement #11, “Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.”  I treasure all moments of my new life.
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+ Karen’s Perspective +
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        Conference week is here!  Over one hundred twenty beautiful 4C women will be converging on a small town in Pennsylvania with enthusiasm levels skyrocketing.  It is a week filled with journeys, from the physical to the delicate nourishing of spirit and soul.
        For those who have not been yet or who are unable to attend, the Conference experience is a living example of Statement #11.  The incredible energy is palpable with smiles and laughter exploding in absolute ‘bondedness’.  New friendships are made while lifelong connections continue in sweet and simple joy.
        You will be warmly welcomed into Donahue Hall on the DeSales University Campus and upon your arrival, you will receive your tote bag, information packet and room assignment.  Take a moment to get acquainted with each other and if you wish to participate in the *FUN*raiser T-shirt/Baseball cap swap on Thursday night, remember to bring a tee or cap from your home state or town (plus a $5 donation).  Or sign up early for a massage over the weekend, spots fill up early!
        Friday will be busy with more arrivals and the first workshops offered by “.O”  The WFS Bookstore will also be open, get ready to purchase your new WFS literature and specialty items.  Our opening Welcoming Ceremony will top off the evening as we get to know the New YOU!  Begin bidding on those favorite auction items!
        Saturday is filled with excitement and increasing enthusiasm as we indulge in our workshops and the WFS auction in the evening.  Learning with each other is incredibly connecting and don’t forget to keep bidding for the one of a kind items displayed.  Zeecha (Sue) will really bring out our enthusiasm as the silent auction tables close and live auction gets going!  Saturday draws to a close with some creative and empowering workshops.
        Sunday is a day to slow down, pause, exchange numbers/emails with your new 4C friends while preparing to travel home.  Our closing ceremony will follow a presentation by Becky on Statement #10: All love given returns.
        For those attending for the first time, soak in each moment and please, no hiding in your dorm room!  Allow yourself to be open to the experience, the energy and enthusiasm!  This weekend is for YOU!
        See you this weekend!  Hugzzz, Karen
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+  Member Insights  +
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        I believe this is my 25th conference, missing only two due to work and having moved at the end of May to AL.  Reading Karen’s description, I could feel the enthusiasm I experienced over the years.  It’s a long drive for me (15 hours) and yet when I arrive at the conference, I feel the joy of seeing dear friends and meeting new ones, learning more coping tools to use and pass on to group members unable to attend and seeing all the great auction items to bid on in support of this life-saving, life-changing program.  Then there is Teddy’s Challenge and the excitement over the announcement of how much was raised.
        Jean always said that for some women, going back to their everyday life after the conference could be a challenge especially after such an enthusiastic weekend.  It is important to keep the joy alive by doing whatever it takes to give back what you received at the conference.  For me, it has always been moderating, for others it might be being a chat leader, attending meetings to give hope and encouragement to new members or writing articles or booklets to support the organization.  After 26 years of moderating, I still feel the enthusiasm and joy that I did from the beginning.  Well, I might have been slightly more nervous in that first year but it was worth hanging in.  Whether you attend the conference on not, think about how you can give back what you have received - a New Life.  –WFS Member
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© WFS Inc. * Women for Sobriety, Inc., PO Box 618, Quakertown PA 18951
Email: contact@womenforsobriety.org  *  Ph: 215-536-8026  *  Fax: 215-538-9026

DONATE NOW ~ Your Donations Help Support WFS’s Services ~ Thank you!

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Topic: Statement #5


WFS Statement 5 – I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman. 

“The greatest success is successful self-acceptance.” - Ben Sweet

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.  You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.“ - Lucille Ball 

It isn’t always easy to accept who or what we are.  We all like to imagine ourselves as if looking through the lens of ‘an ideal’ without flaws or weaknesses.  In truth, nobody is perfect; being human means that we make mistakes. 

Today psychologists generally agree that our level of self-esteem, (how much you like and value yourself as a person), lies at the heart of your personality.  To enjoy the benefits of high self-esteem is to accept and embrace all facets of ourselves - (not just the ‘esteem-able’ parts), unconditionally. 

“Since the perfect human being has not yet been discovered, we all need to live with our hang-ups and our idiosyncrasies until they can be ironed out.  One of the most important qualities in successful dynamic living is that of self-acceptance.” - Denis Waitley 

Self-acceptance comes from an acceptance of the things you like about yourself and the things you don’t.  We all will (and do) make mistakes, do things wrong and have things about us that maybe we would prefer not to have - this is what makes us unique. 

Self-acceptance also involves compassion - compassion for self.  We often judge ourselves unfavorably and this creates an internal dialogue (self-talk) that is negative and for the most part will result in us feeling bad about ourselves and does little to motivate us or change things. 

Acceptance is about being OK with where you are now - in all aspects of your life.  That does not mean that you cannot strive to change things that you want to change - it means being accepting of what is going on ‘right now’, in the ‘here and now’ and acknowledging the advantages of this - while still working towards goals and outcomes for changes you want to make in your life. 

Some people say to me - it can’t be that easy, but I know the benefits of thinking and behaving in this way, and, as you consider the benefits of self-acceptance you might like to think about the improvements it will enable you to make in your life.  In his book Happiness Now, Robert Holden writes – “Happiness and self-acceptance go hand in hand.  In fact, your level of self-acceptance determines your level of happiness.  The more self-acceptance you have, the more happiness you will allow yourself to accept, receive and enjoy.” 

Therefore, the ability to show ourselves compassion is essential.  The more we are able to forgive ourselves for everything we regard as shameful, wrong, or blameworthy, the better we will understand that no human being is perfect and all that we do, whether right or wrong is another chapter in our learning and reflects our efforts to be the best we can be.  Nobody deliberately does a thing wrong and we all make the best choice available to us at the time of making it. 

Being able to accept ourselves unconditionally, means that we set the standard.  Once we stop grading ourselves and beating ourselves up for what we ‘should, must, or ought to do’ we can adopt an attitude of compassion, understanding and forgiveness.  We can continue to strive to do better whilst accepting who we are and where we are, - as we are, today. 

If we can adopt this for ourselves, we are more likely to be accepting of others which will have the added benefit of improving our relationships within all areas of our life. 

“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” - E.E. Cummings

[This handout is from our certified group moderator, Suzanne, in Cincinnati, Ohio.  She'll be leading a f2f meeting with this topic at our WFS Conference.]
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© WFS Inc. * Women for Sobriety, Inc., PO Box 618, Quakertown PA 18951
Email: contact@womenforsobriety.org  *  Ph: 215-536-8026  *  Fax: 215-538-9026

DONATE NOW ~ Your Donations Help Support WFS’s Services ~ Thank you!